To Trust or not to trust


Find out how to trust, when to trust, what or who to trust and most importantly, why to trust.



Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. We may have had our hearts broken, and had our trust crushed in the past, but the key is to move forward with an open heart and trust anyway.

Additionally, you really can’t be in business without a high level of trust. This is an interesting concept because we’ve all been burned by trust and on the wrong side of it sometime in our lives. So being open to trust again may be difficult for some people.

I want to share with you both sides of the trust equation. With any concept you’ve got to look at the two extreme sides in order to find equilibrium in the middle. And that’s the key to utilizing trust in your life in a way that will work for you.

To demonstrate one side of trust I’m going to use the scorpion and the frog fable. A scorpion asks a frog to carry it across a river. The frog hesitates, afraid of being stung, but the scorpion points out that if he did sting him, they would both drown which wouldn’t make any sense. So the frog agrees. Halfway across the river the scorpion stings the frog, dooming them both. When the frog asks the scorpion why, the scorpion replies that he couldn’t help it, it was in his nature.

Ancient cultures have a way of identifying the nature of a person or thing and then count on it to be that. No grand expectations or labels outside of what they recognize that person to be. They just are. It’s a much simpler, harmonious way to exist.

From the Western world’s point-of-view, we tend to label a person, and associate negative things about their innate nature. Say someone exhibits the traits of a fox – they’re cunning, stealth and a carnivore hunter. There are elements of that nature we may perceive as bad or wrong. And right there, we are causing the first problem.

A fox might not have the best interest of everyone else around them at heart, and you could say that’s a negative trait for someone to possess. So if you are this fox, then you may try to hide this side of you, but eventually your natural tendencies are going to come out. At the end of the day, we live in a big world with different things that need to be done, from different skill sets and natures, and there’s an appropriate application for people with fox-like traits that will allow their true nature to serve and be productive and truly shine.

The key is, don’t trust people to do what they say, trust them to be who they are. Trust them to be their nature and don’t label them. The ancient writing of Tao Te Ching ‘The Way’ describes the path to enlightenment but as soon as you give it a name, you’ve already corrupted it because it’s a label. You can’t even name it. It is simply ‘the way’ but even that is putting an expectation on it. As soon as you label someone, you’re robbing them of something and putting expectations on them that aren’t accurate.

The other side of the trust equation is: does their nature support what you need them for?

So we’ve discussed nature vs the label. We’ve got to try not to label and accept the nature of people just the way they are. And we’ve got to tune into their true nature and then decide whether that innate spirit aligns with the purpose they serve for us.

Humans by nature are trustworthy. But you know that guy who says he’s trustworthy, hardworking and won’t let you down? And then leaves half way through the job? Well, his true nature was revealed right in that first conversation, just by the face he had to state he’s trustworthy. It’s assumed, and reiterating aloud really shouldn’t be required. Alarm bells!

So we have to step back and start observing the nature of the person, not what they’re saying. Why did they feel the need to say that? Because he was hiding his true nature.

Trust forms the foundation of all relationships and is essential in every facet of your life. If someone doesn’t trust you, on a long enough timeline, you will demonstrate a reason why that person shouldn’t trust you, almost as a rebellion. They become what you treat them as. It’s not what people say its what they do.

I’m here to create, not to exist. When I merely exist in a relationship or partnership, it is ultimately going to go sideways. When you stop utilizing that relationship to proactively build something, and you’re there but your heart isn’t in it, that relationship is going to break.

Whether it’s a marriage, business relationship, or a friendship, you’ve got to get a mutual outcome. If you’re not utilizing the relationship and simply co-existing, at some point someone is going to move on.

How do you trust? Find role models and emulate. Find empathy and compassion, see people for who they are and don’t expect more than they can give.

By understanding the human condition, and not putting expectations on others makes it easier to trust. So practice it! Trust more and have a mental picture for the relationships you’re in. Be on purpose every day, and hold the vision you have for your all your relationships – both business and personal. Rise above and let everyone’s innate natures shine to create something amazing.